The hidden rules to Self Confidence

Do you struggle with confidence? Are you terrible at meeting new people? Do you panic when faced with a task you don’t think you can do like public speaking, or even being the focus of attention on a much smaller scale?

Well I have a solution for you, I know it works because it worked for me.

Firstly a bit about me. I really struggled with confidence and self-esteem. I couldn’t meet new people, in fact I didn’t ever want to talk to people at all. I shrugged this off for a long time and just thought “well this is who I am, I can’t change that”. But it turns out I could change that, and so can you. I discovered this completely by mistake. I had lost my job and ended up knocking doors selling windows for commission. I mean what a terrible thing to find myself doing, but it was commission only so why wouldn’t I be hired? Anyway I first started by pretending to ring door bells, telling my boss that no one was home. Crazy yea? How could I earn any money doing this?!

I then started to find solutions to my confidence issues on google. How could I combat this? I assume this is similar to what you have been doing? Trying the find the answer. I even went out knocking doors half pissed, I tell you what it’s not a good idea, you get pretty paranoid very quickly due to the amount of “no’s” you get. I tried loads of different things including music, talking to myself in the mirror and plenty of online exercises. I eventually happened upon the answer. As if by fluke someone said the words “pretend” to me while I was speaking to them about it.

This person I was speaking to was not a doctor or scientist or master of communication, to be frank I can’t even remember exactly who it was. The point is they had given me a clue into how to tackle this issue. The people answering the door when I knock don’t know anything about me. What if I acted with confidence? Pretended to be someone completely charismatic and comfortable within themselves. So that’s exactly why I did.

Trust me you need to try this. It won’t work straight away and you need to start small. The principal I can only assume is that you are slowly teaching your mind and body how to be confident. I started with little things like standing at the door I just knocked with absolute pride. I considered the person opening the door to be lucky to see me standing there with a smile. I didn’t have to change my pitch or my actions. I just thought maybe this is what a confident person would think so I’ll pretend. Eventually I started to close sales, not with confidence but with an act of it.

It does not take long for that act to become natural. The act is just the first step. I have now run my own businesses, I am writing a book, I have spoken in front of 200 people (this still scares me and always will, the only time I ever have to go back to a sort of act is public speaking but that’s okay), I have travelled many parts of the world, I have done a fair amount that requires plenty of confidence and all because I pretended to be for a few weeks until it started to happen naturally.

Here I am hiking up the Grand Canyon.


So from me to you there is the secret. It’s not much of a secret at all is it? It makes a lot of sense when you think about it. When you do this though you have to keep pushing yourself, you can’t do it once or twice and expect your life to change. You have to do it when you come across a situation that requires confidence. Just think to yourself “what would someone with just a little bit of confidence do in this situation” if you are struggling. Not masses of confidence but just a little bit. You will grow from there.

That book I said I was writing, well I finished it, you can have a read here, Click Me. It is a short 30 minute read that will set you on your way.


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